I want 80's bad hair....

Thu, 24 Jan 2008 05:34:04 GMT

just relax your mind

i think thats what life is all about

if it was just as easy as saying it

you knowwhat

Thu, 27 Dec 2007 09:20:02 GMT

im fucking drunk
but i dont give a fuck
because im drunk haha

oh well, i hope you all are doing well
my dad bought me corona for christmas
which is why i am drunk now

hope everyone is doing well, hope you had a great christmas

Thu, 29 Nov 2007 09:46:30 GMT

i think i need to find a very exciting hobby and stick to it during the wee hours that my mind does not turn off. it is 4:42 in the morning and im still up wasting time on the computer. one of the few things that was great in florida was that i was barely on the computer, and i really didnt watch that much tv. but i do think my liver and lungs are healing up nicely since im not doing as much constant damage. i think i might have got a job but i will have to get passed the DT.

hmmmm

Wed, 07 Nov 2007 07:52:47 GMT

its been awhile since i've poured myself out on a page. i used to write something about my day, everyday, or something that was bothering me. i used to have a notebook i would write it all in. actually i have many of those. poems, songs, letters never sent...sometimes they are better when they arent sent...but some i wish i would have. i guess what is meant to be is meant to be but sometimes you have to wonder what would have happened if you had done something different.

which this always happens when you come to a path in the road. what will i do? i should be moving to canada in a couple weeks if everything happens that needs to- im very excited. i've always wanted to live there. now i finally get my chance. i hope that meeting new people comes easy, although i will kind of be living in the sticks.

i must have done something right for so many people willing to help me so much. many times i feel as though i havent really accomplished much for 21 years on the earth and maybe i should be doing something more worth my time. but i know i have a good heart and i try to have good qualities that i look for in other people.

i've found it much easier this time to leave florida. not that i dont miss everyone just the same as i did before but i have a great opportunity and knowing that the people who really are important will always be important no matter where i am on a map. i think my time in florida was very limited and many occurrences that happened were just telling me to get out as fast as i could and not to look back. i seriously believe in signs and my luck was running very thin.

but anyways, i think maybe i ate too much today and i should go to bed.

Wed, 21 Mar 2007 03:45:15 GMT

its so weird when you keep getting older. you make decisions and you think they are fairly easy, but when it comes down to it, it really boggles your mind. sometimes its not so easy to just listen to your heart. i looked out the window today and it looked exactly like when we first moved in to this house. i think actually the date we moved in would be tomorrow. march 21st. i remember exactly how i felt. as i looked out that window, everything came back to me. i remember how sad i was to be away from home and how i didnt know how i was going to have the strength to do all the things i planned and wanted to do. how i was going to make it. i thought it would be no time before i ran for the airport and i said fuck it. but i held on and worked my ass off and bought a car. i put myself through a semester. i paid off my rabbit. i just waited and pondered on how great it will be when i can go and visit everyone i missed. the people i still miss. im moving back may 1st. i was very happy when i bought my ticket. it took me quite awhile to tell my dad i was going to move back. i told him last night. i didnt sleep too well. today it drained me out, i didnt think it would affect me so much after i told him. but now its so real. i will be back there in that dead end town i came back from. as much as im excited, im so terrified that i will get myself stuck back in the same pattern that ended with me never doing anything with myself. dont get me wrong, this is what i want to do, but im just having all these emotions flying back at me.

im going to be 21 in a little over 3 months. what am i going to do with myself? all of a sudden i have like all these motherly instincts coming through and i want to be a mom. not anytime soon, but now im getting a all new perspective on everything. i think that a lot of things are coming together in my mind, and its going to make everything alot easier. i love my parents. they both have major major flaws but who doesnt. i always had the mindset that i didnt want to be anything like my parents. well thats pretty much impossible considering your parents raise you and teach you everything. but now when i think about my parents i dont think "oh i dont want to be anything like them" im now like "i want to be like this and this about my dad, and this and this about my mom." i think if we looked at everyone that way there would be so much less hate in the world and a lot more understanding.

you only have one shot in life and most people dont even get a long one. who knows what will happen tomorrow. you have to enjoy today.

the truth about cigarettes

Mon, 19 Feb 2007 05:58:46 GMT

i dont know, maybe im just a conspiracy theorist

but here is another thing that just makes too much sense to pass up

Sun, 11 Feb 2007 02:11:52 GMT

i had a art vandalay today and it was fucking awesome

Wed, 07 Feb 2007 06:13:31 GMT

ALARM is a really wierd word especially when it is in caps

Tue, 06 Feb 2007 03:59:28 GMT

i cant stop watching tha white rapper show

Thu, 01 Feb 2007 04:03:34 GMT

i wish i could open my mouth and say what was really on my mind. if i did it probably not come out right, as i would probably studder my words. everytime i think i am going to say what i feel it comes out sounding like it is totally in a different context. then maybe it does come out the way i think it should but later on i think about it and all i really said was something bland that could have meant anything. i think the key to everything is communication, and i am not communicating at all. its all a dead end.

all this really is thoughts floating around my head, i have the flu, and i have to work tomorrow.

did you know if i smoke a cigarette with a minor in my car i can face up to 20 days in jail? thats right they just passed that law up here.

i can smoke with a minor in the house. i can smoke standing right beside a minor in my front yard but i cannot smoke if there is a minor in my car.

makes as much sense as you can get pulled over for not wearing your seatbelt but if you are riding a motorcycle you dont have to wear a helmet.

best by 9/25/2010

Fri, 19 Jan 2007 04:33:46 GMT

what if everybody had a "best by" date?

it might snow tomorrow. i hope so.

my wisdom teeth will never pop out i've been told. i want to get them out just for the painkillers, but i dont think its going to happen.

if you brush more than two minutes you can actually hurt your teeth, nobody told you that one did they?

sorry im on wikipedia reading about teeth for some reason.

but this is interesting- In the future, tooth decay may be banished by treatment with a genetically modified bacterium, according to research at the University of Florida.

Wed, 10 Jan 2007 21:47:29 GMT

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Thu, 30 Nov 2006 05:38:09 GMT

why do we do the things we do? why dont we do the things we want?
why do we regret?
we should think more of ourselves. we should ask more of ourselves.
why do some people achieve more? why do some achieve less?
is it really our heart or our mind that falls in love?
maybe its both, and our heart falls in love and our mind falls out of love.
is that why you get a broken heart? maybe you are just getting a broken mind.
how can we all be so different and be so alike?
maybe if you thought the way i did, you would understand.
maybe if i thought the way you did, i would understand.
how did i end up here? how did you end up there?
i wish i knew sometimes. you probably wish you knew sometimes.
if i didnt decide to do that, would i be married and have kids right now?
if you decided not do do that, would we be married and have kids?
i know you had a picture of me, and i had one of you.
i still have a picture of you, do you still have one of me?

Mon, 13 Nov 2006 05:09:19 GMT

i was in love with a girl on marijuana
she said if im not stoned i dont wanna

Tue, 07 Nov 2006 05:29:45 GMT

you dont know what you've got until its gone

mother fucker!

Thu, 02 Nov 2006 03:33:50 GMT

"are you....missing somebody? are you.....on the way home, from seeing a long lost love.."

delilah makes you miss people you dont even like

what a wierd day

Thu, 14 Sep 2006 03:26:01 GMT

some how i stumbled along this way and got in new jersey. worked very hard, saved up, bought a car, paid for school, and now its all happening. i have this feeling that what i have picked is now an unattainable thing that once i am through, will really lead me nowhere. im afraid that i have ideas that are great enough but not the talent to put these pictures and ideas down on paper. in all reality you just need the latter to do what you want. artists steal ideas constantly(not all but a good portion) and get by. i could never steal anybody elses work.(at least knowingly)

i just wish that i knew whether i was wasting time.
then its also true with that attitude i will only defeat myself.

i feel a hundred years old.
i need a vacation.

Sat, 20 May 2006 01:23:23 GMT

i wonder what would happen if i smoked a cigar with these whitestrips on...

Sun, 16 Apr 2006 05:23:02 GMT

so i worked my six days this week
back at subway where it all started
i look out the windows every morning
it looks the same as florida
but with alot more trees
i could just go down take a left
and be at shaniquas house
i wish i could go
but now you take a left
and you are on the AC expressway
and its not a e-pass its a ez-pass
it says you have to go through at 15 mph
i drove through it like you would on the 408
the whole AC expressway lit up
i think i will probably get a ticket
new jersey laws make me feel like we were a bunch of banchees in florida
i quit smoking cigarettes
its been 67 days now
i have saved up a grand to put down on a car
but i dont even have a bank account up here
my dad makes me make my bed every morning
and you cant have anything on the floor
i was suppose to clean my room today
but how do you clean your room when they make you keep it spotless?
i'm not dusting my room
thats where i draw the line
i made noah and julian take a picture with me and the easter bunny
noah didnt want to
my mom tells me to come home
seth said he has a blunt waiting for me if i do come back
but i think im going to stay for awhile
go back to school
and concentrate on my art and music
i just miss everyone so much it makes me cry
and it seems like no one answers the phone
or a IM
but it is pretty cool up here to look up at things
i've only met gangsters so far
this one girl put cornrows in my hair at work today
and invited me to the boardwalk to smoke a dutch
i would have taken her up on the offer
but my dad would have known
and thats NOT ALLOWED
but i guess thats all for now
and happy easter

jdjdjdskfjkdfjkljdf!!!!!

Mon, 03 Apr 2006 04:02:25 GMT

well i should be going to sleep i have to work early in the morning

but i havent been on the internet in quite a while

so here i am, i've been working quite a bit, saving up for a car. i've found some interesting places up here. it's not that bad up here in new jersey, i just wish i had someone up here to explore it with. my dad is a major ass, but im trying to look beyond that. hopefully i can land this job that i have an interview for on wednesday, then i can have my own apartment and not deal with him and his rules. i think all the time about all of the different times in clermont and wish i was back. i work for some indians, they are really funny. i can't understand alot of what they are saying. i quit smoking completely but i think the only real reason was it's like 6 bucks a pack here. i found a cool smoke shop today with ian but my dad checks all my shit so im not going to get caught with anything. it was cool just to go look at all the bongs and stuff. they are changing the age to 19 to buy anything up here. i cant believe i have only been up here two months...it seems like much longer than that. hopefully time will go by quicker so i can start school and meet some people.

well thats all i can think of for now.

later

Tue, 07 Feb 2006 06:04:45 GMT

hmm...if i could only do the things that i need to do. not anything you could really write on paper or that really has anything to do with the situation, i could leave without doing any of these things, and it wouldnt really matter in the scheme of things. but thats not true at all, this does matter more to me than anything. whether or not i get it done we will see.

i cant sleep and i talked on the phone to my dad for about 2 and a half hours.

im sorry everyone for this post that probably doesnt make any sense to you.

You're Legal!

Thu, 12 Jan 2006 18:22:55 GMT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, IAN!

you make me feel old, my younger brother is now 18? wtf!

when did all of this happen? haha.

"OFF THE PAYROLL!"

even though that really doesnt apply.

well win the lotto and buy your older sister a car to boot scoot around town.

i love you and i hope you have a great birthday.

late night writing

Wed, 04 Jan 2006 07:29:35 GMT

it's too late
too many pens
too much paper
coming my way
should i stop now
it's much too late
but i keep awake
to see if another day
comes my way
but it's too late
and im stuck in between
is it just me
or is this just my dream
or reality
i wont know
it's too late
to say all the things i needed to say
sometimes its better off that way
and i keep going
not going very far
is it time for bed
just disappointment around the corner
but its all good
pack up my bags and leave
i'll just pack up my stuff and leave

Mon, 02 Jan 2006 08:40:40 GMT

i see no one is really posting much on livejournal these days.

MYSPACE IS ALL LIES! TOM IS NOT YOUR FRIEND.

its all a conspiracy.

i started my head on fire today. what did you do?

just a few of my thoughts

Mon, 21 Nov 2005 17:58:23 GMT

thanksgiving was something that my family always celebrated, but it never really seemed like a big deal. it was just another time to make a lot of food, eat, and go on as usual. i don't think we ever gave it much thought. most people really don't, at least to my knowledge. this year, since it has gone the way it has, for the last week i've thought about it. even though it hasnt even came yet. most of the time i think about it as i'm trying to go to sleep. you never think too much about things in general when they are good, but you think constantly about things when they are bad. this year, i have a lot of things to be thankful for. i went to puerto rico, wasn't happy, and knew all i had to do was make a phone call and i could come back home to clermont. i would have a place to sleep, eat, shower, anything i needed. when i left for puerto rico, my car wasn't even running and all i had to do was make a call, and it was towed and stored for free. it's still not working, but it's in the shop right now, and all i had to do was ask. it might even be working by tonight!

you know, no one expects anything bad to happen, it just kind of does. but i believe, it is how you handle the situation, both when it is bad, and when it is good. maybe even more so when it is good. i believe it is the best feeling in the world to help someone out in a positive way. (i'm glad to see it goes both ways) in my belief, i have set myself up with a great amount of very good people on my side over the years. sometimes people don't understand why i surround myself or keep in touch with certain people. as things in my life have not gone the way i had planned, my friends, some i knew i could count on and others i would have not thought to count on, have helped me. when things were going alright i was always there to help. if i could not help, i found someone who could. i would always give emotional support no matter what. sometimes, certain people you help out it is not so easy. you might even question the person in your thoughts and it makes it quite difficult. i guess that is why it takes a great person to be there for someone and not just ignore their situation.

but anyways, not to bore you anymore, but thats just some of my thoughts. and i guess happy thanksgiving in a couple of days...